Here’s what WE see when we detach and observe the narcissist closely. It’s striking how fantasy prone a narcissist is and how self centered and self-absorbed, and what a radical difference between how the narcissist sees themselves compared to how they really are. For example, the narcissist:

• Turns every conversation to him or herself.

• Expects you to meet his or her emotional needs but not vice versa.

• Is oblivious to the impact of their negative comments about you.

• Constantly criticizes or berates you and knows what is best for you and tells you what you should and should not feel.

• Focuses on blaming you or others instead of taking responsibility for their own behavior.

• Expects you to anticipate their every need.

• Is highly absorbed in their own hobbies, interests, to the point of ignoring your and your children’s needs.

• Constantly seeks to be the center of attention.

• Inappropriately teases and ignores the hurt he/she causes.

• Refuses to acknowledge his own mistakes. Can’t handle criticism and uses anger to shut it down.

• Has an attitude of “anything you can do, I can do better.”

• Engages in one-upmanship to seem important.

• Acts in a seductive or flirtatious manner and pours on the charm when in public.

• Expects to be admired…may use false modesty to fish for compliments.

• Thinks he has to have the latest, or the “biggest” and “best.”

• Very status oriented

• No sense of gratitude, but rather thinks YOU owe THEM.

• Fake persona, acts like the “perfect” person, husband, or father, wife, mother to gain admiration.

• Threatens to abandon you if you don’t go along with what they want.

• Sees himself above the rules and doesn’t expect to be penalized for not following them.

• Shames your feelings and calls you overly sensitive or touchy if you express feelings.

• Is unable to see things from any point of view other than his/her own.

• Wants to control what you do and say—tries to micromanage you.

• Attempts to make you feel stupid, helpless and inept when you do things on your own.

• Has poor insight

• Has shallow emotions and interests.

• Exploits others with lies and manipulations.

• Uses emotional blackmail to get what he/she wants.

• Engages in physical, psychological, or sexual abuse….makes you feel used.






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